Album Review: Coltcrusher – The Plot Sickens

We all love My Little Pony, right? We especially love the image of them ripped apart, feasted on by demons unspecified and rotting as the sun turns black. Or is that just me? Well, obviously it’s not as one-man Pittsburgh-based act Coltcrusher has based a charity album around the idea.

Raising money for local charities which help women, children, and other disadvantaged groups (all proceeds from sales and streams will be donated), you should feel less guilty about promoting pony-cide when you purchase it. And it’s definitely worth a few quid (or those funny dollar things), as it’s a pretty decent album as well as having some of the best cover artwork I’ve seen in a long time. Hell, I want that rainbow logo – see the header image – on a patch on my battle jacket!

Eight tracks are up for grabs with the kind of twisted humorous titles you’d expect from a grindcore band, or Lawnmower Deth when they were still funny. The lyrics are available to anyone who buys the CD version or digs around for long enough on the facebook page, but trust me when I say that they’re suitably over-the-top – Cannibal Corpse meets Twilight Sparkle.

Musically it’s as good as any homegrown project we’ve heard and as accomplished as anything from a major band / studio. Production is excellent and the musicianship is great. The songs are all brutal, as you’d expect, with a mixture of instrumentals and deeply-growled songs. Trust me, you’ll want to invest in those lyric sheets.

The rhythm guitars bite like a sawtooth blade, with occasional melodic flurries from a passing lead. Rhythmically, the tracks vary from slow and pounding with machine-gun flurries here and there (“Hearts and Hooves”) to blisteringly quick (“Slaughta Alotta Equestria”), though there’s “A Galloping Blaze” stuck in the middle which owes more to DragonForce than Obituary.

You can check out the marvellous “The End of the Rainbow” below and the whole thing is streaming on Bandcamp (and Spotify and everywhere else) right now for your delight and twisted sickness.

The Plot Sickens is out now – grab it on bandcamp on the 1st Friday of the month to ensure more money goes to the artist!

Coltcrusher: facebook | twitter | instagram | bandcamp | spotify

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