Just before they opened proceedings for Alestorm in Glasgow recently, we sat down for a brief chat with the balaclava-clad giant that is Captain Yaarface. Lead shouty-person and lyrical focal point of Rumahoy, he knows how to splice a mainbrace, cut a jib and manhandle a whole jungle full of parrots.
Please note that, as a wanted criminal, some of his comments are a little… piratical. Also, please read all of the Captain’s responses AS IF THEY WERE IN CAPS. He does tend to shout a lot. No wonder he keeps that scurvy crew in line so well.
So welcome, Captain… what was the name again?
Yaarface! From North Carolina! That’s me! A-HAHAHA!
So you sail from the port of North Carolina?
Yes! Blackbeard established it in 1702.
You mentioned in another interview that Blackbeard didn’t use a MacBook as the internet is a bad thing.
The internet is good for sharing piracy!
North Carolina is in America, one of our colonies…
One of your colonies?! A-HAHAHA! Don’t make Captain Yaarface laugh!
To the music. There are many styles of pirate metal. Do you have a brand you prefer to play?
We are true pirate metal! Alestorm have lost their way! They started off strong and now they are weak! We are the true Scottish, from North Carolina, pirate metal heritage band!
Alestorm have always claimed they’re the second best Scottish pirate metal band. Have they given way to you?
Oh, they know that we are the best!
So what makes you better?
Well, we play true heritage pirate metal! They play gay little pansy pirate metal!
Well, I’m not going to argue with you…
No-one argues with a seven-foot man in a balaclava!
I was going to ask about the headwear. Maybe a chainmail version could be good?
NO! It’s to hide my identity for all the crime and rape that I do! If they know who I am, I’ll get in trouble!
Hang on… crime and rape. So rape’s…
Rape is not a crime! It’s a way of piracy, and I love piracy! My name is Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
Pillaging – is that a crime?
Yes, pillaging is a crime!
Do you sell balaclavas on the merch stand?
Because they’re awesome.
But then other people would commit rape and crime! And then it would become a standard and we wouldn’t have to wear balaclavas!
[A voice in the background pipes up, “It’s not rape – it’s surprise sex!”]
Well then, that’s even more fun! I don’t actually have a face under here! I just have two eyes and a mouth-hole! If I pull it off, there’s nothing!
Tell us about your scurvy crew. How did you press gang them into joining your ship?
Well they just live under my house! But I don’t have a house, I have a ship! So they live under my ship, really!
Isn’t that a bit wet?
Oh, it’s OK! My name is Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
Sea shanties?! It’s a chronicle of my life! I wanted to call it The Triumph of Captain Yaarface Welcome To The Sea, but Napalm Records didn’t want that so we had to call it The Triumph of Piracy which is just the tale of Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
This is your first full album?
No! We’ve release many albums! They are just hidden!
Oh. Just I was going to say, you’re the first band I know of that’s released a “best of” compilation before releasing an actual album.
Well… I can’t believe you found that! It was meant to be hidden! But treasure hunting! That’s what it’s all about! I love treasure! My name is Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
How did you get signed to Napalm Records?
They came to me and they said “Hello, Captain Yaarface. Can we sign you?” and I said “YES!”
How many pieces of eight are we talking here?
Oh, that’s Captain Yaarface’s business, not yours! If we want to share those businesses then we can share tax information!
Oh, no. Taxmen are even scarier than pirates.
No one is scarier than pirates! I am Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
What can we expect from your live show?
Rum… I welcome people to the sea… I jump around, and… that’s pretty much it, actually! True heritage pirate metal! No pussy pirate metal! I am Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
So basically it’s yourselves and then we stick around while two more bands play some songs?
Yes! At the end of the set I alway remind people to stick around for Alestorm because they’ve see the true heritage pirate metal! I don’t want them to leave before seeing the other pirate metal!
A couple of short questions to finish. Mead, rum or ale? Which is the b…
Pretend pirates – who is the best between Johnny Depp and Errol Flynn?
Well, I don’t know who Errol Flynn or Johnny… Deep? are, but I’m the true pirate!
If you weren’t a pirate, what would you be instead?
I don’t understand the question! I am Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea!
Well, thank you Captain Yaarface. It’s been a pleasure and I am now slightly less scared of you.
No, that’s fine! I’m actually quite jolly as long as you don’t get on the wrong side of my “surprise sex” train! I hope you enjoy the show! I am Captain Yaarface, welcome to the sea! Spend money on our merchandise! It is very good! It he me on it! A-HAHAHAHA!
The Triumph of Piracy is out now through Napalm Records – review here