Interview – Andy Williams and Keith Buckley of Every Time I Die (Slam Dunk North, Leeds)

Every Time I Die band 192I didn’t want to bombard ETID with questions about tour life and music so I recently gave some fans the chance to ask the band anything they want, the crazier the question the better. I made the trek to Leeds and met up with guitarist Andy Williams and vocalsit Keith Buckley. Here’s what they had to say!

Stewart Souter asks: Will a man ever be able to swim faster than a shark?

Andy – No, sharks never stop man.

Keith – I’d like to think I’ll still be alive the day we see that. I think it’ll be a bionic man or something.

Matt Denny asks: F**k. Marry. Kill. Susan Boyle. Ann Widecombe. Vanessa Feltz.

I show Andy and Keith a series of photographs:

Keith – Susan Boyle. I dreamed a dream? I’d marry her.

Andy – I’d marry her too. She’d probably sing all the time in her pretty ass voice. Probably makes good food. Probably fun to walk with.

On Ann Widecombe:

Keith – Oh Boy. She gets the f**k vote for me.

Andy – She kinda looks like a monkey. So she’s a politician? I’d probably kill her then and I don’t even know what she stands for.

On Vanessa Feltz:

Keith – I’ve already voted for fucking and marrying so I’d have to kill her. She looks pretty killable.

Andy – I’d stick it in that one. I’d marry Susan Boyle, I’d stick it in that one and I’d kill the politician.

Kevin George asks: Where’s your favourite place to hide the dead hookers?

Andy – Hollow out the box spring on the bed. Put it in there. Put the mattress back on top.

Keith – I love how people assume we’re fucking and killing people all the time.

As a follow up to the last question, do you do the clean up yourselves or do you hire someone in?

Keith – I really like cleaning, man.

Andy – We already know a guy in our business (I presume Andy’s talking about As I Lay Dying’s former front man, Tim Lambesis) he got caught doing that. He tried to hire someone to kill his wife, obviously he hired a cop. I’m not trying to hire anyone.

Keith – You want something done right, you gotta do it yourself.

Andy – No matter what though, you’re going to jail cos killing people just ain’t right man.

Nyct Ophilia would like to know – If given the choice of these four deaths:

  • Tea bagged to death by baboons
  • Cannibalised by a seventies Playboy Bunny model
  • Thrown naked into a lions’ den, covered in Whiskas cat food
  • High on horse tranquilisers in a punctured hot air balloon with no parachute

Which one would you choose and why?

Andy – I’ve never been on horse tranqs but I’d probably pick the monkeys just so I could get close to them. I really love monkeys.

Keith – I’d pick the horse tranq one. At least you’re sedated a little bit. Although if you picked the lion one, at least you get to pet a lion first.

Andy – I wonder how coarse their fur is, you get to have a good grab at that before you die. just a pity you don’t get to tell anyone.

Charleigh Thompson asks: If all of us were to take part in a mass orgy, who would give and who would take?

Andy – Do we get to pick the band that takes part? I’d pick Genesis from the seventies.

I show Andy and Keith a photo of Charleigh and her beloved German Shepherd

Keith – I’d love to hang out with her dog.

Andy – I’d pick the band Orgy for her to listen to.

Keith – Yeah, we’d all her pet her dog while she listened to the band, Orgy and that’s as far it’d go.

What’s your dream Download line up?

Andy – That’s a hard question. I don’t like bands any more. I hate playing with bands. I hate friends that play in bands.

Me – Do you hate playing in a band?

Andy – No! I like that part. I’d like Neil Hamburger to play there. Doug Stanhope as well.

Keith – Blue Man Group.

Andy – Pick like the worst band you can think of and add Cirque Du Soleil to that. Disturbed with David Draiman and Cirque Du Soleil.

Keith – Cirque Du Slayer!

Andy – Now we’re talking!

If you guys weren’t musicians what would you be?

Keith – Can I choose anything? I’d be a professional skateboarder. It looks like so much fun but I can’t skate. When the world around you is like your playground, that’s a great way to live.

Andy – I just wanna be a Japanese wrestler. Just a stiff little motherf**ker who chops people and stuff. I wanna have an unbreakable neck.

What inspires you guys?

Keith – The roar of the crowd!

Andy – Yeah, that’s a good pump!

We’ve lost a few musicians in 2016. Who do you think will be next?

Andy – Ozzy. He’s dead. Ozzy’s gonna be the next death. That’s gonna hurt everybody’s feelings. Is that what you’re meaning? It could be a guy from Manfred Mann and nobody would give a shit. I know that’s really sad to say but it could be like the bass player from Electric Light Orchestra and everybody would just be like “Oh No”. I think Ozzy’s gonna be next and it’s gonna hurt feelings.

Is there anybody you want to be next? Anybody on the hit list?

Andy – Just think of any band. I might very well be next! In fact it’s gonna be this guy right here, him with the red hat (Andy points to a random guy walking past the window) He’s the next dead.

At this point I terminate the interview for fear that the random guy in the red hat might get struck down by lightning and we’ll be held accountable. I spent the rest of the day either watching bands or searching for discount shorts. You can read my review of the Slam Dunk Festival shortly.

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June 19, 2016 1:52 PM

[…] the press area. An hilarious start to the festival ensues when I fire off some fan questions to Andy Williams and Keith Buckley of Every Time I Die. Dignities still intact all round I leave the press area and set about soaking up what Slam Dunk is […]