Each day in the run-up to the finals (except when we skip days because the editor is ill), we’re doing two tracks from the 2015 Eurovision Song Competition and tearing them to shreds analysing them carefully in a bid to predict the winner on May 23rd.
RUSSIA: Polina Gagarina – “A Million Voices”
Mosh: “We are the world’s people… we believe in the dream.” Oh dear me. If you could wrap these lyrics in wax you could sell them as a premium cheese. A rank one. With stinky dribbly bits and mould on. The song itself, though generic, isn’t bad. On the other hand, the country is run by a homophobic bunch of f*ckwads so they can go to hell if they think I’d give them any points. NUL PWA and I’d give less if I could. There’s your political voting for you.
Dave: Just 4 more songs to go….c’mon Dave, you can do it. Ah bollox…Russia have done a fucking ballad. It’s not a bad ballad though, but won’t be enough to win. When the singer gets back home, Putin will probably have her shot too. 3/5
SWEDEN: Måns Zelmerlöw – “Heroes”
Mosh: Oh, I came so close to loving this song. The opening half minute or so is country-influenced genius… and then it goes and throws it all away with the usual dancey nonsense (including vocals being put through a synth) and children joining in the chorus. So close, Sweden, but so far. 2/5
Dave: I love Sweden. They are solely responsible for producing one of the best things the world has ever seen – the Swedish Chef muppet character (yeah, I know it’s Jim Henson’s responsibility but he’s not around to take the credit anymore…unfortunately). The song is an upbeat number about heroes which does my head in after about 30 seconds but at least the opening lyric about crapping himself made me chuckle. At least that’s what I think he was on about. 1/5
