Bellz from London writes:
“My boyfriend doesn’t believe in Goblins. What should I do?”
BallzBellz – I would first suggest that you arrange a nice dinner with plenty of warm, not over-cooked meat. Candlelight is, of course, mandatory. Then you invite myself, my nephew John and some of his horde to meet your boyfriend.
A chat over a meal is always a good way to meet new friends and learn about them, their ways, their beliefs and what they taste like when you rip their innards from within their bellies, strangle them with the bile-filled intestines and hang them to fester for a month before scorching their corpses over a pyre.
Oh, I’m sorry. I seemed to drifted off and confused this column with one on Popular Goblin Recipes I’m doing for another site. My apologies, Bellz. If your boyfriend isn’t interested in a meal, then direct him to the wonderful Nekrogoblikon video featuring John and I’m sure he’ll realise that us Goblins do exist. Before you know it he’ll be praising our name. Or lying dead in a ditch with his head missing. That day is coming.
[Nekrogoblikon’s Power is out now! If you want your problem dealt with by Auntie Goblin then drop her a line.]
- Auntie Goblin Solves Your Life Problems (moshville.co.uk)