Jaz (is that rude in human talk?) from Ipswich asks:
“What’s the difference between a Goblin and an Orc? You’re both ugly bastards.”
First of all, thank you for the comment. We strive towards our ugliness and work on it from birth. Secondly, fuck off and die. We’re nothing like Orcs. Orcs are scum.
OK, so we’re scum as well. But we’re civilised scum. We plan, organise, plot, connive and know how to cook a great entrail stew. Orcs just… hit things. They’re quite dull. Also, I’d say they’re not ugly. Ferocious perhaps. But not actually ugly.
Not as ugly as us Goblins anyway.
Look at it this way. An Orc would decapitate you and then march on its merry way without a further thought in its very empty head. A Goblin would stop, retrieve the head and consider which of 37 different recipes it could use for the brains within and use the skull itself as a serving vessel.
In short, we’re better than them. Much better. Try to compare us again and I’ll slice your arms off and shove them up your arse. Then serve you with a nice congealed-blood side dish.
[Nekrogoblikon’s Power is out now! If you want your problem dealt with by Auntie Goblin then drop her a line.]