Mosher's Unimaginatively Entitled Blog

Mosley a disgrace?

2008-04-19T13:04:00.003+01:00

OK, so he's a dirty old perv, but is Max Mosley really "brought the sport into disrepute" as far as F1 goes? Come on, it's one guy getting his rocks off with a bunch of hookers. If he did something wrong, it was letting someone sell a copy of the video (very ill-advised for anyone in the public eye) to the papers.

No doubt he's embarrassed as all hell. After all, half the world has now seen his arse being thrashed by a cheap whore. OK, let's be honest - he's rich. She'll have been an expensive whore. Anyone who's dug for the video will likely know what Mosley's todger looks like.

Basically, like him or loathe him, his private life has become public. And that's a shame. Has he done anything illegal? Well, no. Has he done anything immoral?
Perhaps - I believe he's married. But why do actions performed behind closed doors bring a whole sport into disrepute?

Frankly, I feel sorry for the guy. Son of a pair of fascists who made Hitler look like the local vicar, he was always in for a rough ride but he's done well for himself. He chairs over one of the most corrupt sports going, manages to keep it ticking over and then gets busted for being spanked.

Of course, the papers are all full of the significance of the Nazi imagery in the video. Oh, come on. If you and your partner have a little slap and tickle while she's dressed as a nurse and you've got your tarzan pants on, does that mean she really has leanings to join the medical profession while you bugger off to Africa and learn to speak monkey? Given his parentage, perhaps the fears are slightly more grounded that he could be a racist fucker... but fact is, if he was then don't you think he'd have been saluting the Swastika, not bending over in front of it while being flagellated
until he bled?

I could almost feel sorry for him if he wasn't stinking rich and in charge of such a dull sport.

The Idiot Boss - part one

2008-04-18T09:21:00.001+01:00

One of the first companies I worked for had a very non-IT-wise director. Actually, the guy was utterly clueless - you know the Point-haired boss? Him. Only with less hair. And he'd already bankrupted one company. Let's call him Ralph. Mainly as that was his name. Hey, I'm not going to get sued if I tell the truth, am I? I'm legally allowed to express an opinion and in my opinion (and that of everyone in the office, to the best of my knowledge, as well as a horribly large number of our customers) the guy was a useless cunt.

At the time we'd just moved from dial-up to ISDN, so pretty pricey for a net connection. As such, he decided that we'd purchase some logging software for the old NT server and the guy in "charge" of the internal systems was to cast an eye over the log each week.

He half-heartedly pulled us up on a few things because he had to. Checking bank details ("I pay expenses out of my own pocket then claim back - I'm making sure I can cover it"), looking at PC hardware sites ("just keeping up to date") and other pointless things.

He never did withdraw the MD's net access for his recurring visits to www.farmsex.com. He did, however, show everyone else in the office the access logs.

Whip out your Wii-nis

2008-04-18T09:05:00.004+01:00

Blame Chris for this one - he sent me it. It's a game for the Wii called Super Pii Pii Brothers. It's Japanese and as weird as you'd expect from the country that gave us Akira, tentacle rape and shit-fetishism.

Have a check of the video below. Essentially, the aim is to strap your Wii-mote to your groin with the included harness and then... well... piss into a toilet. You get bonus points for urinating on pussies (there's that Japanese influence again). There's even a two-player option where you can (probably) cross the streams to defeet Zuul or something.

What worries me is that I find the image of a slightly chubby American woman waving a strapped-on console remote somehow... horny.

I need help.

Oh, and if you live in the US then ThinkGeek will even sell you a copy.

The BBC News Web Page. Top quality... or... not

2008-04-17T09:15:00.004+01:00

I see this morning they're plugging how wonderful the new video embedded in the BBC News page is. Two problems:

1) About 1/3 of the content can't be viewed outside the UK, yet a still image with a message telling you you can't look at it is included, even in the "International" page. They might has well put "So nya-nya-nya-naanaa" after.

2) The page with some examples on, telling you how great it all is... well. It doesn't work. All but the Top Gear video just have a still picture with "Sorry this content isn't available at the moment" on.

Top notch.

[EDIT - Around 8 hours later and it's finally working... and been laid out differently]

People having sex in private? It shouldn't be allowed!

2008-04-11T14:03:00.004+01:00

Image via WikipediaThe great British public are at it again, making a meal of precisely fuck all that's any of their business. A farmer in Cornwall is trying to make some cash by opening a barn as a swinger's club. Whoop-de-do. Frankly, good for him. And for the local council who say "it's legal, so we don't care and good luck to him in his enterprise".

On the other hand, a large "fuck off" to the idiots nearby who are complaining that it's "disgusting", "sleazy" or "wrong for the area". Five out of ten to the guy who said "I'm not a prude, but if this affects the way I live, then I will be doing something about it.". Can he explain how it possibly could affect the way he lived? Unless he actually went, or found out that his wife was nipping up their for some anal play instead of going to the bingo?

It's on a farm. It's miles from anywhere. People will not be running naked through the village streets. Mrs Miggins will not have to clean cum off her rosebushes in the morning. There will be no watersports performed outside the Dog & Duck. Double penetration and bukkake will not be happened across accidentally should one wander into the corner shop for a packet of Hobnobs.

We have one farmer making the most out of the decline in the industry he began his working life in. Everyone else making a fuss can just fuck off. They'll be demanding that the local B&B is closed down next. After all, I bet someone has had sex in each of the rooms at some point since it opened.

I actually used to know a couple who opened such a place in the North East some years ago. The purchased what used to be a damn rough biker's bar. One where people left via the windows as often as via the door. Bikes going up and down the main road at all hours. Music blaring. Great fun for those that attended, not so for the locals.

Then along come this couple with a lump of cash and great plans. Redecorate all the rooms, theme it, use a "bring your own" policy to reduce alcohol-related problems. The clientèle, by their very nature, would be quiet and discrete. Surely a huge boost for the area, and much more pleasant all round?

Nope. The locals got a petition up and the local council forbid them permission to open as a swinger's club. Instead, they opened as a bed and breakfast. And had a private party every few weeks. The property was their own to do with as they pleased. A friend of theirs "booked it" and took some cash per head to pay for the booking so it was all above board. They rented the rooms out as usual for anyone staying overnight.

Never a problem. No more smashed windows. The local shops started doing a boost in trade (off-license, convenience stores, cafés) to boot. Never a complaint, because the idiot locals didn't know what was going on. Which is as it would have been in the first place, only they were too narrow-minded to see this.

[UPDATE: found the story about it on the BBC]

When will we, as a nation, stop giving a fuck about people's private lives? Celebrities... even then I think they deserve their privacy but let the shitty glossy magazines have their fun. But the folk next door... leave them alone. If nobody's getting hurt (without consent, anyway), where's the fucking problem?

Ryanair are thieving cunts

2008-04-10T16:20:00.005+01:00

Image by Ultrastar175g via FlickrOK, so it's not a huge revelation but Ryanair are, indeed greedy thieving bastards. Sneaky, conniving, slippery shits. And that's just a few of the words I'd use to describe them. Any way they can fiddle you out of more cash, they'll do it.

I'm booking tickets for some friends for the Graspop trip in June. Three people return from Stansted, one person (me) one-way from Eindhoven to Stansted. All nice and simple. Obviously, there will be credit card fees involved, so I want to book as many flights at once to reduce the fees involved.

OK, so I can't book three out, 4 in with one transaction. It's 3 out on one booking, 4 back on another. Or 3 return and then a separate booking for the guy going one-way. Either way, two credit card fees.

Wrong.

Either way it's SEVEN credit card fees. Ryanair have gone all original and charge per person, per flight segment. So if I were paying on Visa, I could expect a whopping £21 in credit card charges. Frankly - fucking ludicrous. Even using a debit card, it's £7.

More sneakiness. If you're booking a flight from Europe to the UK, there is no choice on currency. You pay in Euros. And the flights are rounded to nice, convenient amounts - which are higher than the cost of the flight when booked as part of a return. Example - sterling price for Eindhoven to Stansted is £9.99. Booking it as a single is €14.40. At the current exchange rate this is £11.61. It doesn't stop there as all the booking fees, card fees, baggage fees, taxes and so on are also lifted. The resultant flight is around a tenner dearer than it would be in Pounds. not to forget that most credit cards / banks charge a fee for dealing in non-sterling.

Add to that their 15kg checked luggage limit - 5kg below that of most other airlines. A 10kg carry-on limit - 2kg below that of others. A baggage check-in fee of £6 for the first bag and £12 for the next. Which necessitates that you check in at the airport... a further £3. Surely if you're going to check one bag in and therefore have to check in at the airport (as opposed to the free online alternative), they may as well charge you £9 for the bag and include the fee? Ah, but then they'd not be able to claim their baggage fees were low...

Also note that every money-making option is selected on the web page unless you turn it off. As if anyone really wants to pay an extra £6 to be one of the first onto the plane. And insurance is selected by default.

I still loathe their advertising. My flight - according to their advertising - was £9.99. It actually cost me nearer £45. And if you want to complain (or check up on a booking you're not sure has gone through because their website crashed)? 10p/min in the UK (34c/min in France).

I'm currently stuck as I've received no confirmation details for the 6 flights I booked for my friends. Have they been booked? I don't know. I didn't get an email confirming the details of the flight I do know went through, so the lack of mail for the other one is no indication at all.

Ryanair - the shittest airline on the planet, budget or not. British Airways may be able to decimate an entire airport terminal in 8 hours, but Ryanair are simply just shit. And greedy. Greedy and shit. And sneaky.

For once, some common sense

2008-04-07T08:26:00.004+01:00

Image from WikipediaAn interesting story on Mashable! regarding internet safety being taught - by law - in Virginia schools. A couple of other States are set to follow in their footsteps and I think this is a great idea and hopefully not a case of too little too late. It's certainly more useful than the ridiculous proposals put forward by our government to monitor all the perv's email addresses.

I do agree with the original author about this being one of those things that children should be taught at home, though it seems that they aren't. If it ends up treading on a small number of parents' toes to make up for a handful who aren't monitoring what their 12 year-old is up to when they're not fragging soldiers then it's a small price to pay.

I don't see how they can complain, though. I assume the US is the same as the UK - and I also assume that things haven't changed since I was in primary school - where we had a visit from the police for a special assembly or class once a year. A uniformed officer would stand there and warn us about taking sweets from strangers and the like. I certainly doubt that anyone would kick up a fuss about the police and schools interfering in parental rights and so forth as regards that. These internet safety classes are very much along the same lines and I hope the UK considers doing something similar.

Sad state of affairs, but you just can't trust some parents to teach things like this to children. It's hardly as if it's not in the news often enough to warrant teaching kids about the dangers, so there's no excuse. But, hey, I'm not a parent (yet)!

Awful, awful ideas

2008-04-05T10:28:00.004+01:00

Image from WikipediaAnd the slew of Hollywood remake threats continues with two idiotic, but it seems green-lit, suggestions: Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Short Circuit. Both good films in their original forms... OK. Bill & Ted was amazing and had a damn good sequel. Short Circuit wasn't so bad, but again the sequel wasn't so bad.

So why the remakes? SC is being worked on by the people who scripted the original. Why not do a third rather than remaking the first one? Same with B&T. Scuttlebut has it that a few years ago Winters and Reeves were considering going back to their best-known characters for a third in the franchise.

I guess it's cheaper and easier to remake something that's already been done than to tackle anything with a degree of originality. Look at the insane number of sequels, comic book adaptations, book adaptations, remakes of old films, remakes of foreign-language films and so on that have filled the summer blockbuster spots for the last few years.

In fairness, a lot of these have been superb. The re-awakening of the Batman franchise with Batman Begins. Similarly the long hiatus in the saga of the Man of Steel with Superman Returns. The Harry Potter films. The forthcoming Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. The Ring remakes and subsequent sequels unrelated to the original Japanese Ringu series. The excellent Spiderman series.

So there are some good films that result from it, but the superhero films at least have some original scripting. The direct remakes are poor and the shot-for-shot remake of Psycho a couple of years ago must be one of the most pointless uses of celluloid of all time. Is it really so difficult to some up with something original for filming these days? Novelists seem to be able to rattle of original books all the time, so why not scriptwriters?

And they think this will work?

2008-04-05T09:54:00.002+01:00

A wonderful story on several news sites highlighting how oblivious the powers that be are to technology. Apparently, paedophiles are using Bebo, Myspace, Facebook and so on as areas for "grooming" kiddies for evil sexual use. And *gasp* some of them are pretending to be ickle kiddies themselves to make themselves seem friendlier to the little tykes.

Erm. Isn't this kind of old hat? The bit they've added is that convicted pedos will have their email addresses registered and passed on to all the social networking sites so they can be refused entry.

Wow, what a stunning idea. Because everyone only has a single email address and you can never get another. You know, like Social Securitu numbers, passport numbers, DNA and so on.

No. Wait. Sorry. I'm thinking like a government minister. In the real world, you can fuck off to GMail, Yahoo, Hotmail or one of a hundred other places and get a completely new, untraceable email address.

Sky's version of the story includes a statement from a chap at Sophos which does raise some interesting points, such as misidentification of paedos if the email addresses leak out. After all, we're talking about trusting the government with personal data. Something that they don't have a great track record of. Then there's the cost in cash and man-hours (sorry... person-hours) of checking through internet logs to make sure these filthy fuckers are sticking to the rules.

Simple solution. If you're caught with child porn, you have your eyes burned out with a hot poker and your fingers amputated with a mallet. That way you can't access the internet without third-party help and even if you could, you'd not be able to see the kiddie-porn anyway. Quicker, much more of as long-term solution and substantially cheaper for the taxpayer.

Mugabe on the way out?

2008-04-03T08:12:00.002+01:00

Image from WikipediaA lot of the newspapers this morning are reporting that Robert Mugabe could finally be on his way out of power as the elections turn against him. Of course, just losing an election wouldn't normally bother a dictatorial, violent piece of filth like Mugabe. However, this time it seems the world's looking on just a little too closely for the dodgy bastard to get away with anything.

Fuck off, Mugabe. You pathetic, evil son of a bitch. I only hope that Zimbabwe can somehow pick itself up and recover from the mess you've put it into for your own gain. You sick sack of shit. If there is indeed a hell, I hope you rot in it for all eternity.

Dog poo

2008-03-31T08:51:00.002+01:00

Image from WikipediaI responded to a post on Scaryduck's blog and ranted on a bit. So I pinched my reply to use here:

We're supposed to be a nation of animal lovers, but frankly we seem to treat dogs like the shit you're complaining about. It's not the dog's fault it needs to done a poo. It's the owners for not tidying up afterwards.

All dogs should be injected with nano-bots at an early age. Harmless and designed to sit over the arse-opening. On poopage, they're deposited with the turd and emit a radio signal unique to each pooch. This will allow inspectors with a poop-detector (like a metal detector but smellier) to locate these and identify the guilty party. And pick up the poop for smearage over the relevant front doorhandle.

I'm sequestered in France right now, in a very touristy town. There is a dog shit issue here as well, but not to the scale as back home. Which is strange, as a lot of dogs just run around on their own here. The owners don't walk them per se - they just let them out to walk by themselves.

Go into a pub and I'll almost guarantee you'll see at least one dog sat on the floor, or wandering around enjoying the attention. Dogs in supermarkets, dogs in shops... as long as it doesn't shit on the floor nobody cares.

Actually, one pup did shit on the floor of the MBC (microbrewery pub) the other week... to a rousing cheer from the locals before the staff cleared it up.

Plod and football

2008-03-31T08:02:00.004+01:00

A lovely ridiculous story in the news this morning as some muppet in the government announces that a "Police Pledge" is to be set up. Essentially, this is to force police to do such important things, such as answer the telephone quickly, treat victims nicely and solve more crimes.

So, it's another set of targets like they already have. Like the NHS already has. And teachers. Which are pointless, ludicrous and involve silly amounts of paperwork to monitor which prevents them actually getting out there and doing their job. I read a lot of police blogs, and also a handful of ambulance / ERT / emergency call centre ones. Across the board, every person blogging and all their same-career commenters are pissed off completely with all of these targets.

Simply, targets don't help. They just don't fit with what the job is actually about because the person or people setting them has absolutely no front line experience of the job in question and is only interested in making existing figures look good for their purposes.

What they want to do is appear good to voters by being able to say that their new figures prove everything's getting better. If you want to know the state of law enforcement, don't ask a politician. Ask a policeman. Wondering what the waiting time is for an ambulance? For fuck's sake don't think you'll get a straight answer from the NHS Trust - ask an ERT or a paramedic. Want to know the best way to give your child an education? How's about listening to teachers rather than some fuckwit in an office in Whitehall who hasn't been inside a school since he left at 16?

I'm sure comments will arise on the relevant blogs shortly, so here are some links. All worth a read:

The Policeman's Blog (Coopersblog)
PC Bloggs
Police Inspector Blog (Inspector Gadget)
Police Locker Room (Sergeant Simon)

And to think that I did once consider joining the police force. And also fancied a career as a paramedic or similar. And I'm still passing thought about teaching. All three do appeal. But not in the UK. Not any more.

And footie. We won yesterday, which is good. Away from home which is better. Against Spurs which makes me even happier given the verbal diarrhoea expunged by The Proud Cockerel before the match. Thanks for the insults, arsehole. They only make you seem so much more of a loser after the 1-4 towelling we gave your abysmal squad. And let's face it - if we're shit what does that make a team who lose to us?

I also got an email on Saturday from a mackem *spit* fan who will remain anonymous. Essentially pointing out that Sunderland had risen above Newcastle and that therefore I owed said persona drink as I'd said this wouldn't happen. My response:

And a Sunderland fan tries to bend the rules... as I'd expect. After all you're run by a manager who's idea of levelling the playing field is to break the opposition's legs.

Checking the table as of our 1-4 away win at Spurs (you may remember away wins, though I know you don't get them very often) which means we've *now played the same number of games*, we're two points above you.

I spared her the reminder that Sunderland could still end the season holding the record for the least number of points per game in Premiership history, dependant on whether now-relegated Derby pull their socks up. After all, the mackems are the only team with two positions in the Worst Teams In Premiership History table.

Roll on April 20th...

Cash too expensive for you?

2008-03-28T08:11:00.004Z

In the news today, a story about a woman taking BT to court for charging her a handling fee for cash. In a way I can see her point - most businesses will actually offer you a discount for paying in cash, while BT will charge you more. Also for paying by credit card, debit card, cheque etc.

Thing is - and I hate to say this as I'm not BT's biggest fan - for once I think they're right. You set up a direct debit and BT then has to do pretty much bugger all to get your cash each month. If you pay by cheque, credit card, cash in an envelope, babies' fingers or whatever then they have to process it.

Should her case come through with her victorious then - after lengthy appeals, I'm sure - BT may be forced to drop the charges. Along with every other company that has a similar fee structure in place. This includes most utilities companies, insurance brokers, finance / loan agencies...

So great. Savings all around, yes? Erm. No. All that will happen is that the fee will be removed and everyone's basic bill increased to cover the cost of getting money from people who don't use DD.

The poverty argument used in the article is completely moot. "Many people, especially those on the margins of society and who are on low incomes find it very difficult to find any increase for any bill" it says. Simple solution - organise a direct debit so it's paid from your bank account. Don't have a bank account? Well get one. The UK is one of the few countries I know of where banking is - if you don't go overdrawn etc - essentially free.

Her argument that "On a 10 pound note it says 'I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of ten pounds', not ten pounds plus a £1.50 handling fee" is bollocks. It's true - it doesn't say there's a handing fee. But she's not paying a handling fee, she's paying for the time spent by BT on sorting out her payment which they'd not incur if she used DD.

Buy a book from Amazon and they charge you delivery if you spend less than £15. Is that fair on people who don't want to spend that much? Why should a person who only wants to buy one paperback help reduce costs for someone who wants to buy three? Because it's cheaper for the company to ship three than ship one. Likewise for BT, it's cheaper to collect fees by DD than any other method. Rather than the DD users being charged for everyone else, the ones who create the charge pay for it.

Given that any person in the country can get a bank account (illegal immigrants aside) and set a DD up, she hasn't got a leg to stand on as far as I can tell. The option is there for her to avoid these charges. It's an option she can take and has the facility to do so.

Unless I'm mistaken? Are there grounds where someone could be refused a bank account / direct debit? And if this is the case - perhaps based on a poor credit rating - wouldn't they likely be refused a phone connection anyway?

In fairness, my argument falls apart if the charge levied for non-DD payment is out of proportion to the amount it costs the company to retrieve the cash. Then again, BT could always put this down to the fact that it "costs more to chase people who do not pay". A kind of insurance for itself.

Passport application

2008-03-27T08:14:00.002Z

Thanks to Viv for mailing this one to me. I don't often post emailed "jokes" up here, but this one's worth it:

Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time.
Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process! Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone "important" to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.

NNnooooooooooooo!!!!

2008-03-24T19:47:00.000Z

Heresy!

Why is this not racist

2008-03-24T12:24:00.003Z

The Voice, a newspaper for people of coloured background... African Englishpersons... whatever - has compiled a list of the most influential black people in football. Surely this is racist? Can anyone imaging the outcry if the BNP published a list of the most influential white people in football?

Can't people just see past skin colour? Can't we just have a list of the most influential people (should it even be needed), regardless of skin colour? Is it so fucking difficult for people to see past a skintone?

Fuck's sake.

Oh dear...

2008-03-24T12:04:00.004Z

I was talking to my dad last night and it seems my mother ("the world's biggest Luddite" according to my pop) wants to get a laptop and figure out this world wide interwebnet superautobähn stuff.

Enjoy today folks. I fear the world must be about to end.

Fucking Meeetaaaaalll!!!

2008-03-23T15:55:00.005Z

OK, it's silly but it's funny:

ED's Furry Fucking Guide To Metal!!! - The most amazing videos are a click away

Converse All-Brain

2008-03-20T14:03:00.003Z

Kerrap! have a little item today about a new line of trainers from Converse. Yes, despite being dead, Curt Cobain has a set of footwear coming out. "The sneakers are black and white, and some feature artwork and words from the singer's notebooks."

No word yet on the "covered in blood, gore and lumps of brain matter" line. Maybe later in the year.

Bowson Lettings? Collective group of bastards, more like

2008-03-18T17:44:00.002Z

Not a personal experience, but one of someone I know. Bowson Lettings let him down somewhat massively and wasted a lot of his time. So I'm linking to the post in a vague attempt to push it up the Google listings so that people can see how crap Bowson Lettings are and to use someone else if they're looking to rent a property in the Jesmond area of Newcastle.

That's Bowson Lettings - the shit on your shoe of flat and house rental in Newcastle Upon Tyne.

Random brain-spewings

2008-03-16T20:59:00.003Z

It's been one of those days, which has resulted in the following mental gurglings:

First off, I've realised how sad I am by finding the following link incredibly cool. It's an enigma machine simulator. Possibly sadder is that the link's from a paper-based version.

And then I spent ages coming up with this:

For tomorrow e'en, I shall be watching us getting towelled by bloody Birmingham City. Don't get me wrong - I love the guy. But he's been shit out of luck this season.

On national anthems

2008-03-14T11:51:00.006Z

I do whinge about the crappy "God Save The Queen" that England seems to be stuck with, but according to this interesting web site, it's not actually our "official" anthem. In fact, we don't have one - by law anyway. It just seems that England finds itself in an awkward position of being too closely identified as Great Britain and therefore defaulting to the "umbrella" anthem.

This is endemic of England's lack of identity these days. There's not denying that the Scots definitely and the Welsh to a lesser extent (though actually more so recently) have a definite established identity. Northern Ireland, to outside views, is still more lumped in with the Republic as part of the Emerald Isle thing but still has its own identity as part of the United Kingdom (not Great Britain - check the wording on your passport, people).

England, however, is often just seen as the UK. Scots say they're from Scotland, Taffs from Wales and Micks from Ireland (I wonder... Irish folk - if an foreigner asks you where you're from, do you specify North or South?). English people - in my experience travelling - are as likely to say "Britain" or "the UK" as they are to say "England". At least I have an excuse with my parentage.

Regardless, have a trawl through the site. It makes for some interesting reading.

What a cock

2008-03-12T16:58:00.003Z

For once I'm glad to see our justice system act in favour of a large corporation in a move that actually goes against the growing culture of suing anything and having no personal responsibility for your own actions. An accountant - I'd assume therefore an moderately intelligent person - attempted to sue Marks & Spencer because he slipped on a grape stuck to his shoe that "could have been picked up inside the store or car park"

What a cock.

If you're 55 and can't manage to walk 100 yards without slipping on a piece of fruit that could already have been stuck to your foot then you shouldn't be allowed out on your own. On the other hand, if you're a greedy cunt who's out to make some easy money, I find it only disappointing that self-representation reduces the legal bill to a point where bankruptcy isn't an issue.

Mr Martin-Sklan, you win today's award for "greediest wanker in the news today". I only hope this is the first in a slew of cases like this being thrown out. I'm sick of people getting thousands for tripping over paving slabs and suchlike. Have some responsibility for your own personal safety, for fuck's sake.

How fucking petty can you get?

2008-03-12T12:15:00.002Z

Not content with relying on the handful of police who are actually allowed to patrol our streets and roads when they should be doing important things like filling in paperwork, two pathetic little attention-seekers have taken a photo of Jeremy Clarkson (allegedly) talking on a mobile phone while driving. And then gone to the police.

All without the slightest thought they might have managed to get their names in the papers of a few quid from a red-top for the privilege of course.

It does make me wonder a few things. First of all, they say he was doing 70mph when they took the picture. So to get a photo of him, they'd have had to be level. Which means overtaking him so that the passenger could snap the picture. Which means they'd have to be exceeding 70mph. Are the police looking into that?

Also, why pick on this one man? Was he the only one on a phone? Or do they do this for fun, taking photos of everyone they see breaking driving laws? If so, where is there catalogue of grainy mobile videos featuring undertaking, lack of lane discipline, tailgating and so on?

Whoops, sorry. Taking a few snaps of a guy in a BMW tailgating a Lada doing 68mph in the fast lane wouldn't really get them into the papers, would it?

regular-ish news whinge

2008-03-11T15:28:00.002Z

Well, what can I let off steam about in today's news? In no particular order:

Some wanker's come up with the idea of school-leavers being asked to give an oath of allegiance to the queen. What a repulsive idea. Allegiance to the country I do agree with, but not the bloody royal family.

What strikes me as cheapening an already cheap idea is to proffer some kind of reward to those who volunteer (council tax discounts or student loan payments).

One suggestion I do like is the idea of offering immigrants a bursary towards English lessons. Ideally this should be a voucher scheme, or a grant towards establishments to offer these courses. And a mandatory test after 12 months (not a complex one, but just one to prove they're progressing) otherwise kick them out. This is far more important than some pointless chant with a raised hand.

Also part of this raft of "ideas" includes the half-formed thought od updating the national anthem to remove verses not often used. What's the point in that? If we don't use them, we don't use them. Whether they're there or not makes no odds.

What the national anthem needs is changing. I'm sure I've ranted about this previously, but England needs an anthem of its own - the other three nations have theirs while for some reason we're stuck with the generic British one, which further decreases our sense of national identity. I vote for Land of Hope and Glory. The UK should change the dull dirge we have now to the significantly more rousing Rule Britannia.

I wonder how much the moron who dreamed this lot up got paid?

Not exactly news, but always worth reiterating is the fact that the BNP are a bunch of cunts (and not the nice type). This time, their crime is not so much using a photograph that they (possibly correctly) claim is public domain, but the way they've used it. Their new leaflet seems to be endorsed by the family of a girl who died of a heroin overdose.

Within this heap of racist shit they try not to call &quo;propaganda" they also try to make out that drug abuse is a Muslim problem. No wonder so much of the world hates white people. Between wankers like these and the American government, we've so far painted every Muslim as a potential junkie who wants to strap explosives to his chest and fly a plane into a tower block.

Always up for a giggle is the Catholic church. I've been beaten to my views on this story by a lot of the comments on it, but at least it means I'm not alone in my amazement at their stupidity. They've announced some modern-day updates to the commandments / sins which they obviously haven't researched too well.

First up, being excessively rich will stop you being allowed through the Pearly Gates. Interesting given the wealth coveted by their little organisation. Oh, hang on. Isn't covetousness also a sin? Strike two.

Conspicuous by its absence is buggering choirboys, which is obviously still acceptable. A good job, or despite a lifetime in the cloth, hardly any of their priests would make it past Beelzebub's pitchfork.

And finally, to sport. I'm just happy to see the teams which have made it through to the FA Cup semi-finals this year. One Premiership club (and not a so-called "top four" one at that, therefore guaranteeing a lower-league club a place in the final and a chance at European football next year.

A huge congratulations to Barnsley, West Brom, Cardiff and Portsmouth. For the first time in years there's no foregone conclusions on the result. Some of the best "cupsets", and all on the same weekend as well. Brilliant.